The Secret Adventures of Oliveloaf Cromwell

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Rules set: House 25mm fantasy rules

Miniatures: Smorgasbord


It was a dark day in the land of the Dragon King.  Civil war burned with baleful fire, its kindling the common man.  From the dark Northlands and the Western coast came the zealot rebel Oliveloaf Cromwell, striking ever deeper into the heart of the land.  He preached a new age of piety and liberation.  Never again would a hedonist King rule from Eastminster.  Depravity would be chased into the sea, sin forbidden, purity made the highest of all values.  Of the unwashed, the people of the soil, many flocked to his cause.

But wise men knew better, and knew fear.  For his intent to outlaw sex would in one generation have been the end of us all.

Thus it was that King Rickhart Draconis took the field to champion our heritage and traditions.  Few could doubt his conviction, for never had King Rickhart turned a disapproving eye upon the amatory arts.  Nor did the House of Draconis, or of any nearby nobleman possessed of an attractive wife or daughter, lack for blood heirs to the King. 

Dazzling pyrotechnics flash from behind the battlemented city walls of Muleborough.  King Rickhart’s besieging army takes cover behind their mantlets, but it is no sortie.  Deep within, Cromwell’s high acolytes are attempting to purify the city’s notorious red light district.  It is said that the energies they called forth were so powerful that even the stained glass windows of the cathedral were washed to clear panes.

Blinded by the Light

Outside the gate, a brave squad of halbardiers stands in the gap.

Fighting for their right not to party

And the news comes in … Lord Cromwell’s main army approaches!  If King Rickhart is to prevail, he must take Muleborough by nightfall.  Drums roll.  Horns sound.  And the air is thick with the thunder of boots … .

Let us dispose this day ...

The halbardiers are thrown back as knights in armor assail the gate.  Asian mercenaries flank them to the right, while behind them the arquebusiers of Eastminster cover their approach.

And the blood flowed

Behind the wall, mortars spout smoke and death as reinforcements are rushed to the gate. 

The defenders lay in

The lizard folk had made a dark pact with Cromwell, gambling on the expectation that laying eggs in fetid pools would be no human’s idea of “sex.”

Broken gates replaced with flesh and blood

Lumbering siege towers are mired in the moat, but not before their bridges reach the walls.

Over the top Over the top

The defenders struggle with vicious passion against the assault.

The claws of a cornered beast

But King Rickhart’s host give them a relentless pounding.

The air fills with powder-smoke

And when shadows grow long, the tide of battle is unmistakable.  As many a maiden has yielded in King Rickhart’s bedchamber, so yields Muleborough to his army.

The final push to victory

And so the good King gained the city.  And there was much revelry in the streets, and joy was in the hearts of all.

Except perhaps in the hearts of the defending troops.  And the merchants and householders whose buildings were ignited in the fighting or looted afterward.  And such locals as may have been hanged on scanty evidence for complicity with the enemy.  And any of the local women who had not found a suitable hiding place by the time the incoming soldiers were granted an evening’s liberty.  But such are not things fit for the attentions of the victor’s historian … .

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